Queen Esther Teaches Us The Way To Our Husband's Heart

 
 

Queen Esther’s Wisdom

Queen Esther was a great example of a wise woman. She used her words with wisdom and wisely sought God’s blessing in her life. Esther was married to a king who was accustomed to making the rules and being obeyed. Yet still, she spoke with her husband in ways that opened her husband’s heart to her, that caused him to hear her, and then, to give her the requests she asked of him. 

When I studied through the book of Esther, I specifically looked at the times she spoke to her husband. I found it interesting that Esther began her conversations with her husband with, “if it pleases the king.” 

What an incredible opening phrase when speaking to her husband!

In her wisdom, Esther set the stage in her conversations with her husband by honoring him and his desires. She let him know she held his best interests in mind before she discussed any personal concerns. Even in the desperate situation in which Queen Ester eventually found herself, she made no attempt to bulldoze her way through the issue in which she approached the king for his intervention. 

Let’s Look At The Background of Esther’s story

The book of Esther began with the story of another queen whose shoes Esther would eventually fill. Vashti was a queen with extravagant physical beauty, but lacking in inner beauty and wisdom. When her husband made a request of something she did not like, she reacted. She lacked wisdom and spoke from a reactionary standpoint. She dishonored her husband and king who in turn rejected her and removed her as his wife and Queen. 

Obviously, Vashti’s outward beauty was not enough to hold on to her husband. He wanted more than a beautiful woman on the outside. He desired a beauty that ran deeper. 

After Vashti’s rejection, the king sought to replace her as Queen. Once again, he sought the most beautiful women in the land as his prospective wife and queen. Esther was chosen. Not only chosen, but she also blessed with the king’s gifts and the best place in his house. (Esther 2:9)  

Esther hid her Jewish background according to her guardian, Mordecai’s direction. At one point, the king’s right-hand man, Haman, set out to destroy the Jewish people. It would be left to Esther to speak to the king to save herself and the whole Jewish nation. 

Here we begin to see the inner beauty and wisdom of Esther on display. Esther approached her husband with wisdom in the words she spoke to him. Notice the repetitive phrase “if it pleases the king” in the five verses below. Also notice she used the phrase, “if I have found favor in your sight.” Both of these phrases, communicate that she honors her husband and his desires. 

 
 

How Esther Spoke To Her Husband

So Esther answered, "If it pleases the king, 

let the king and Haman come today to the banquet that I have prepared for him."

Esther 5:4

If I have found favor in the sight of the king, and if it pleases the king to grant my petition and fulfill my request, then let the king and Haman come to the banquet which I will prepare for them, and tomorrow I will do as the king has said."

Esther 5:8

Then Queen Esther answered and said, 

"If I have found favor in your sight, O king, and if it pleases the king, 

let my life be given me at my petition, and my people at my request. 

Esther 7:3

"If it pleases the king, and if I have found favor in his sight and the thing seems right to the king and I am pleasing in his eyes, let it be written to revoke the letters devised by Haman, the son of Hammedatha the Agagite, which he wrote to annihilate the Jews who are in all the king's provinces. 

Esther 8:5

Then Esther said, "If it pleases the king, let it be granted to the Jews who are in Shushan to do again tomorrow according to today's decree, and let Haman's ten sons be hanged on the gallows." 

Esther 9:13

Esther spoke with words of wisdom which paid off for her, her family, and generations to come. Because she honored her husband in how she spoke to him and because he favored her based on her beauty that ran deeper than outward appearance, Esther changed her husband’s mind. She changed the course of history, and we still read her story today because a god-fearing woman honored her husband in how she spoke to him. 

 
 

Esther Benefited From Honoring Her Husband

We can’t miss how Esther benefited from honoring her husband. She obtained his love, favor, and devotion. She and her people (the Jewish nation) were saved and she was given a position of honor in her husband’s kingdom. The final pages of Esther’s story shows her serving in the kingdom and in the Jewish nation as one with authority. 

Then Queen Esther, the daughter of Abihail, with Mordecai the Jew, 

wrote with full authority to confirm this second letter about Purim.

Esther 9:29

Esther’s wisdom with her words set her up to have authority. I believe her husband realized she could be trusted with that authority and granted it to her. He could trust her because she was a woman of integrity that honored others in how she spoke to them, especially her husband. 

Honestly and ultimately, a woman’s inner beauty holds the keys to her husband’s heart. The reason – her husband knows his heart is safe with her. 

What is on the inside ultimately affects the outside. We saw Queen Vashti’s inner ugliness eventually taint her outward beauty. However, the opposite holds true as well. Inner beauty also has the power to permeate the outward appearance. 

In Christ, we have the beauty of the Lord on the inside. If we strive to grow our inner beauty by being transformed by the power of God’s word, putting God’s word in our heart that we might not sin against him, seeking God in everything, especially in relationship with our husbands and families, asking God to let His beauty be upon us and establish us, we are set up with a deep inner beauty that captivates and pleases our Lord and our husband.

Are You Wise With Your Words?

We should never open God’s word without looking at ourselves through the mirror of His truths. Therefore, I want to encourage you to take some time to honestly evaluate where you are with wisdom, your words, and your relationship with your husband. How is your communication with your husband going? Are you speaking words that honor him and position him to feel safe with you?

A beautiful woman on the outside who speaks damaging ugly words doesn’t have the kind of beauty our husband seeks. 

                                       

Don’t be discouraged dear sister, we all are being transformed through the power of the Holy Spirit in us and through the power of God’s word. We may not be the perfect reflection of God’s integrity always using words of wisdom when we speak to our husbands, but we are still be changed and transformed.

 I want to leave you with this amazing promise in James 1:5. 

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally 

and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

James 1:5

If you know you need wisdom in how to communicate with your husband, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. 

 
 
 
 
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