An Excellent Wife

What does it mean to be an excellent wife? According to the original Hebrew language,  “excellent” means strength, might, efficiency, wealth, army. 

Not exactly what I anticipated excellent meant, but I love the strength the word portrays. The definition clearly shows strength not weakness. Proverbs 12:4 tells us that the excellent wife, she herself, is the crown of her husband. I want to know exactly what that means and how I can be an excellent wife to my husband. The last half of Proverbs 12:4 clarifies much of the “how to” question for me. 

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

but she who causes shame is the rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 12:4

Shame is pain to anyone. The author of Proverbs classified the pain of shame as rottenness (decay) in the bones. My mind vividly pictures the ugliness and pain of shame brought to someone by another person. In the case of Proverbs 12:4b, the wife who brings shame to her husband causes him pain that feels like his bones are rotting away. 

One of mine and my husband’s favorite marriage books is Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. We learned so much reading Love and Respect that continually benefits our marriage and how we communicate. Through Eggerichs’ teaching, I learned the importance and necessity of honoring and respecting my husband. 

Shame dishonors and disrespects. The wife who honors and respects her husband is her husband’s crown. Notice this elevates the wife, not diminishes. A husband with a wife who honors him elevates her. He displays her as his crown on his very own head. 

The Wife’s Impact

The crown is a great treasure, one every man desires. 

Many years ago I read a secular article that impacted me the moment I read it and still impacts me today. The article, Why A Great Woman Is Behind Every Great Man, focused on the impact supportive wives made on powerful men and their ongoing success. The article named highly successful and powerful men. Several presidents were named. 

However, the author’s crux, were their wives and how their husbands esteemed and elevated their wives as the very reason they attained success and maintained that success. These husbands used words like provides, confidence, encouraging, support, supportive to describe what their wives gave to them. 

A wise woman who loves, honors, and respects her husband has the power to help her husband rise to places and positions he would never make it to without her. A man with a wife who loves, honors, and respects him will be first attribute his success to his wife’s devotion and dedication. 

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

Proverbs 12:4a

For those of us who have been a Christian for a long time, when we think of “an excellent wife” the first Scripture passage that comes to mind is Proverbs 31:10-31. This is the famous Proverbs 31 Woman passage. “An excellent wife” in Proverbs 12:4 is the same Hebrew terminology used in Proverbs 31:10. 

An excellent wife, who can find? 

For her worth is far above jewels.

Proverbs 31:10

The Wife of Worth

Proverbs 31:10 alludes to the rare treasure of an excellent wife. Therefore, she probably isn’t in every marriage or home. She is one who stands out. Her worth supersedes the riches of jewels. She’s not a ring worn on her husband’s hand. She’s a crown displayed on his head, one he delights to wear.  

This woman isn’t a trophy wife in the terms we understand in our culture. Her beauty runs deeper than her outward appearance. My Bible’s commentary calls this woman a wife of noble character. 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Proverbs 1:7 and 9:10 tell us the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom. 

The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom; 

and before honor is humility. 

Proverbs 15:33

By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, and honor, and life. 

Proverbs 22:4

 

Evidently, an excellent wife or wife of noble character hold traits of wisdom and humility. Wisdom and humility point us back to God Himself. These remind us how much we need the Lord in our role of wife. Within ourselves we don’t have the wisdom we need to know how to honor and respect our husbands in every circumstance. And surely we know, humility in our marriages is completely elusive within our natural selves. 

However, God, the source of all wisdom, gave us His word to teach us. He gave us His Spirit to empower us to do the impossible and humble ourselves to honor our husbands. 

Let’s go back to the wife who causes her husband shame. 

The Rottenness of Shame

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

but she who causes shame is the rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 12:4

On the other side of the spectrum from wisdom and humility, we have foolishness. 

The foolish woman is clamorous; 

she is simple, and knows nothing.

Proverbs 9:13

The wise woman builds her house, 

but the foolish pulls it down with her own hands.

Proverbs 14:1

In the original Hebrew language, clamorous means to murmur, growl, roar, rage, make noise, tumult, be disquieted, troubled, and in an uproar. The clamorous woman sounds like rottenness to her husband’s bones. She damages with demeaning and disrespectful attitudes and words. Ultimately those words destroy her very own home. 

Now maybe your situation doesn’t fall into the “clamorous woman” category, but you also know you don’t quite make it into the “excellent wife of wisdom and humility” category either. Maybe you find yourself somewhere in between the two extremes. Yet still, you want to be a better wife and strive towards becoming “an excellent wife.” 

Holding Back From Fear

My husband and I have been married for 27 years. I once withheld affirmation based on fear. I feared too much affirmation might cause my husband to become over confident. I thought he might realize he could do better than me. Eventually, I recognized my fear that withheld me from honoring my husband actually pointed to brokenness deep inside my own heart. I lacked confidence in myself. However, confidence in myself would never be enough. 

Throughout the years, I learned my confidence is in Jesus, what He has done for me, and who He says I am. Maybe this doesn’t sound like such a big deal, but only a confident person can give honor and respect to another person. 

Encouragement simply comes easier from someone who is confident of who they are, their value, and what they have to offer. True confidence that dissolves fear and disrespectful clamor comes from knowing your value and worth in Christ.  That is why it is so important for us as godly women to know what God says about us. When we know we are fearfully and wonderfully made and His works are marvelous, we are better positioned to honor and respect our husbands. 

Getting Practical

Are you your husband’s greatest cheerleader? If not, what holds you back? Are you afraid? Are you gripped by a critical spirit? Do you see anything in yourself in the definition of the clamorous woman you need to bring to Jesus and allow Him to transform within you? 

All of these issues are transformed by knowing Jesus, His word, and allowing His Holy Spirit to work in the broken places of our own hearts and lives. Only He can transform us into an excellent woman or wife. 

Ask God to heal what is broken and to reveal His truth of your worth and value as a woman and as a wife. Spend some time focusing on the things that God says about you. Here is a blog post on Crosswalk.com with Bible verses to study to grow you in 

confidence of who you are in Christ. 32 Verses for Women Affirming Beauty, Value & A Beloved Identity in Christ