How to forgive is not an easy topic because it is not an easy thing for any of us to do. In fact, I recently said in a class that I am teaching, that I felt like forgiving was the one thing that had not gotten easier for me. It seems that at the point of living 25 years following Jesus with my whole heart, forgiving is just as hard today as it was in my early journey with Jesus. 

 

I don’t like that. I have seen Jesus transform so many areas of my life and what once was hard for me, now happens much more easily, except when it comes to forgiving.

I personally think, how to forgive, is as much about getting healed from the hurt or betrayal as it is about the degree of trust we placed in the person who wounded us. The more we trust, the deeper our hurt. And the deeper the wound, the harder it is to forgive, even if we want to because we know it is the right thing to do. 

 

Last week’s blog post was about reaching our Spiritual Promised Land. We acknowledged that Paul spoke of forgetting the past so that he could embrace the future God had for him.  I would say learning how to forgive is a very important part of forgetting the past so that we can reach our divine destiny. 

 Healing From The Hurt Helps Us Forgive

Truly, how can we forget the past, when unforgiveness resides in our heart over a past hurt, wound, or betrayal? And besides that, there are so many varying degrees of hurts, wounds, and betrayals that we face in this world. 

 

So much of the time, I think, as much as we need to forgive, we also need to have the brokenness healed. I believe that until we seek God for both the healing and the ability to forgive, we can’t forget the past and reach forward toward our future. And if we do attempt to move on without the healing and extending forgiveness, sooner or later, that chain is going to run out of length and drag us back into the past. 

 

I don’t know if you can tell, but I am not speaking out of my 10 years of Seminary training. I am speaking out of a lifetime of experience. There is no Seminary training that prepares you for the hurts and betrayals in this life. And we can know the Bible says that we must forgive others, but until we walk through a betrayal with a kiss, we really have no idea how to forgive and how hard that forgiveness comes. 

 

So, I am here to talk you through some steps that have helped me in the distant past and even, not too long ago. And the only way I experienced healing from hurts and betrayals is the same way I learned how to forgive those who hurt me. 

 

I Took The Pain And The Person To God. 

 First let’s deal with the pain, because, I really believe that is the first step to being able to extend forgiveness. We need God’s healing first. 

 The first thing that comes to our lips when we we’ve been hurt are questions. Why? Why did this happen? What did I do to deserve this? Where did I go wrong? 

 Those are all wonderful questions to ask if we take those questions to God. If we try to sort through them ourselves, the whisper of the devil will tell us lies. If we take those questions to friends or family, we may get affirmed for a moment and bring others into a situation that was never their place. Oh, and just in case you can’t tell, once again, I am speaking from experience. 

 

Here Is My Personal Formula For How To Forgive. 

 First, we seek God to understand why. 

 Only God knows why. And no matter how hurt we are, we can always trust that He is working things out for our good. 

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,

to those what are the called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28

 

And if we take our trust of God one step further and believe as Joseph who was betrayed by his brothers believed, 

“But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good,

in order to bring it about as it is this day.”

Genesis 50:20

 

When we believe that God allows hurt in our life and uses it for our good, we can seek Him for His purpose and find our healing in the process. 

 

 Second, we seek God about how to forgive. 

 Only God can teach us how to forgive because forgiving someone who hurt us is not in our natural human capacity.  

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, 

kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, 

and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another, 

even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 

Colossians 3:12-13

 

Notice the bolded and underlined words, as the elect of God. Those words tell us that the call to forgive is given to those of us who have the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit living in us. Therefore, that is why we must seek God to teach us how to forgive and to empower us to do what we can’t do on our own. 

 

Third, we consciously choose to forgive by an act of our will. 

 Only we, ourselves can consciously choose forgiveness, even when we don’t feel it. 

 

I have chosen the way of truth; Your judgments I have laid before me.

Psalm 119:30

 

This is where the human will and supernatural heart and power of God merge together and rise above the pain and the person. 

 

Fourth and finally, we seek God for healing and how to forgive over and over again, until we experience healing and extend true forgiveness. 

Forgiving someone who hurt us usually takes time. When we don’t feel like forgiving, but consciously choose forgiveness, that is an act of obedience and honoring God’s word. Most of the time, we have to do that over and over again until we start to see forgiveness unfold and be revealed in our life. 

 

And that my dear Sister, is tenacious faith that delights our Lord and Savior.