Being someone with a bad past, I know what it means to hold on to self-blame. But I also experienced freedom from my past by facing my past, taking responsibility for my past, and releasing self-blame to embrace God’s redemption. 

 

When I first said yes to Jesus, my past had a grip on me or maybe you could say, that I had a grip on my past. I remember one night after I met Jesus, still struggling to release my past and go all in with Jesus that He gave me a vision of myself spiritually at that time. 

 

My Vision Of Releasing & Embracing

 

My vision had a black background like the darkness of outer space and I saw a picture of me hanging in that space, with the world, like a globe, tucked underneath my left arm. I saw Jesus’ feet just above my head on my right side and I had my right hand stretched up to His feet grasping the top of one of His feet. 

 

Dangling in outer space, I could feel myself slipping as I tried to hold on to both the world and Jesus. Struggling to maintain my grip, I knew I needed to choose to let go of one because maintaining a grip on both was not manageable. 

 

I felt the inner dilemma, but I knew the world was not my answer. So, I chose Jesus. In a split second, I released my grip on the world and swung myself around to face and grab both Jesus’ feet with my hands. In the moment after I grabbed His feet, I thought about the impossibility of hanging there for very long. In that instant, Jesus bent down and picked me up in His arms. 

 

 I knew Jesus was calling me to release the world and fully go all in with Him. I also knew that when I did, He would pick me up and carry me. 

 

The Hardest Day of Living the Christian Life

 

When I think back on that season, I remember the difficulty of trying to live for Jesus and still gripping the things of this world. Now I look back on those days as the hardest days of living the Christian life. 

 

Trying to be a Christian and still hold on this world and its values doesn’t work for long. At some point, you come to a cross-road and realize the pull to go one way or another must be addressed. 

 

This is the most important choice of your life. Because which way you choose has eternal life repercussions. Jesus said, 

 

For whoever desires to save His life will lose it, 

but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. 

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, 

and is himself destroyed or lost?

Luke 9:24-25

 

The Self-Blame Struggle 

 

Once I released the world and went all in with Jesus, self-blame was my next obstacle to overcome. Revelation 12:10 tells us that the devil is the accuser of the brethren. When the devil saw that I made the decision to release the world and my past, he accused me at every turn. He taunted me with who I had been, the mistakes I had made, the shame that I “should” continue to carry. 

 

In that season of self-blame, I learned that Jesus redeems every sin, every mistake, every bit of shame. The word Redeem means to buy, purchase, or buy back from the bondage, guilt, and punishment of sin. It can also mean, to let go free for a ransom. 

 

In Him (Jesus) we have redemption through His blood,

the forgiveness of sins according to the riches of His grace.

Ephesians 1:7

 

 

Releasing Self-blame

 

Understanding that Jesus paid for my sins with His blood helped me release self-blame. Let me just say that self-blame and taking responsibility for our actions is not the same thing. I had already faced my actions and taken responsibility for my actions. 

 

Self-blame is really close to a victim mindset. It keeps you identifying with the sin and circumstances of your past. 

 

In that season, learning to release self-blame and embrace Jesus’ redemption, a mature Christian woman spoke something shocking to me. I told her about my struggle to release my past sins and mistakes especially in light of being used by God. She said, “Pat, that is false humility.”

 

Honestly, I thought she didn’t understand how bad I had been. But now I know that she understood fully. She believed God’s Word and fully embraced the redemptive work of Christ. The mature Christian recognized that no degree of a bad past had the power to override or overrule Jesus’ redemption. 

 

Getting Real About Self-Blame

 

You see, when we get real about the heart of self-blame, we see it as a rejection of Jesus’ work saying what He did wasn’t good enough to take care of our sins. It also is a rejection of His word, because His word tells us, 

 

Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us

(for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree.”)

Galatians 3:13

 

Just as I released the world and its ways in my vision, I released my past life of sinful ways. Of course, that is good. But if we stop there, and continue to hold on to the shame and blame of those past sins and mistakes, we are not free from our past, but still held in a degree of bondage.

 

We must reject the accuser’s words reminding us of the old person we once were and embrace the truth of God’s word. 

 

Jesus said: 

“If you abide in My word, you are my disciples indeed.

And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”

John 8:31-32

 

Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. 

John 8:36

 

Listen carefully dear Sister, the price for your freedom has been paid. You are no longer guilty of sin and shame. Therefore, there is no place for self-blame in your life. Let it go and embrace the truth, the fullness, and the freedom of your redemption.