Biblical Marriage, Loving Our husbands, And Lessons I Learned Along The Way
As Christian wives loving our husbands and having a biblical marriage is probably pretty important to us. We want to “do marriage” and love our husbands in a way that brings honor to God. In order to do that we need to look at what the Bible tells us about marriage.
Loving Our Husbands: Living Out Faith
First, we can see that loving our husbands is an important part of practically living out our faith based on Paul’s teaching in Titus 2:3-4. Paul instructed the older women to teach the younger women, to love their husbands.
He wanted the older women to pass down lessons they learned along the way during their years of marriage. Well, as much as I would like to say I don’t fall into the “older woman” category, the AARP mail I receive (and immediately throw away) reminds me of my stage in life.
My husband and I celebrated our 27th anniversary this past summer. And yes, I have learned a lot in twenty-seven years. Please don’t think I am saying I have it all perfected, because I don’t. But as the old Virginia Slims commercial (from the late sixties and early seventies) said, “You’ve Come A Long Way Baby.”
Well, I have come a long way from 2 divorces before 30 and the rich, rewarding marriage I have now. Throughout those life experienced, I learned quite a bit about what works and what doesn’t.
Let’s Start With God’s Plan For Marriage
God created marriage to exemplify the “becoming-one” union that He wants to have with his people. That is why we see the parallel between the relationships of a husband and wife and Christ and His church in Ephesians 5:22-33. And we also know that when all is said and done on earth, a wedding awaits the church, i.e. the marriage supper of the Lamb. (See Revelation 19:6-9)
With the biblical significance of marriage in view, we also know that God’s ideal opposes the cultural view of marriage in our day. So, staying true to God’s design for marriage means we need God’s Word to help us do that.
Lesson #1
The fact that We Need God’s Word is one of the top lessons I have learned about loving our husbands and having a rich rewarding marriage. When the influences all around us encourage us to be self-serving and make ourselves happy, the Bible emphasizes self-sacrifice.
I beseech you, therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies
a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.
Romans 12:1
I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Galatians 2:20
In 2 Timothy 2:15 Paul instructed, Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.
If this sacrificial life exemplifies our life in Christ and our marriage exemplifies our relationship to Christ, why would we not apply the principles of sacrificial living to our relationship with our husband?
Lesson # 2
Another lesson that I learned from both failure in marriage and success in marriage is that a happy marriage does not fall into anyone’s lap. Even if we believe with absolute confidence that we found our soul mate when we said, “I do.”
Marriage takes work! Throughout the past twenty-five years together my husband and I have read many marriage books and attended several conferences and retreats to help us have a rich rewarding relationship. And every bit of this matters! Doing this together has helped us overcome so many differences and struggles in the past.
Lesson # 3
Commitment is a must. When my husband and I married we committed to one another that we would never use the word, divorce. Basically, we excommunicated the word, divorce from our marriage vocabulary.
I had already been there done that. I knew what it took to get a divorce, but I didn’t know what it would take to stay married. However, I did know that any consideration of divorce as an option was an open door to another failed marriage. Which I did not want.
And neither did God, because Malachi 2:16 tells us that God hates divorce.
Now, remember, I have been divorced and while God hates the human action of divorce, he loves us even when we have failed. So, I say to those of you who are in Christ and also experienced the pain and shame of divorce:
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,
who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
Romans 8:1
Lesson # 4
My husband (your husband) is not the enemy.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities,
against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,
against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:12
There is little else that knocks me off balance more than a fight with my husband. Praise God, that is something that happens less and less the longer we live life together and the more and more we see that we are not each other’s enemy. Once again, it was through growing in our knowledge and understanding of God’s word that helped us with that latter fact.
I can still remember the moment that the truth of God’s word penetrated my heart and mind in a way that changed how I thought when my husband and I faced a battle between us. Many years ago, in the middle of a pretty heated “discussion” God shined the light of His truth in my heart and mind. I had gone to the other side of the house and laid down on one of my daughter’s beds and started praying. I asked God, what was I supposed to do. How could I fix this?
God reminded me of the Ephesians 6:12 passage. He spoke to my heart, “BJ is not your enemy. Your battle is with a spiritual enemy.” From that day forward, I never saw or handled conflict between me and BJ the same.
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God…
2 Corinthians 10:3-4a
Near that same season of time, I heard Beth Moore teach about not fighting with our husbands but fighting for our husbands. God’s Word and prayer are spiritual weapons God has given us to help us fight the real enemy.
Let me wrap up with a summary of key lessons I learned about marriage along the way:
1) We need God’s Word.
2) Marriage takes work.
3) Commitment is a must.
4) My husband (your husband) is not the enemy.
