How To Overcome Comparison To Rest In Our Identity As Children Of God by Taylor Draughn, LPC, LMFT
Overcome Comparison
It was a simple thing. I just needed to open up my Facebook to see updates from my daughter’s gym. It was the only real way I knew what was going on outside of driving up there. It didn’t take long though to see something. To see someone that looked prettier, had a better job, or had more nice things than I do. Then the comparison began.
“What is wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I be as successful as them?”
“If I only had their _______, I would be happy with my life.”
Comparison and Jealousy struck again.
It started out innocently enough but before long I was swirling down a dark tunnel of negative thoughts convincing myself there is something wrong with me and/or my life when I wasn’t feeling that way ten minutes before.
Does this sound familiar? My guess is it does, so how can we overcome comparison?
Although social media literally created a business out of comparison to others, this is a human issue that has been there from the beginning. Remember Eve? She believed God was holding out on her. That if she only could be like God then she would be complete. She compared herself to God and found herself less than, which opened a door to sin that completely changed history.
You Are Not Alone
So, you are not alone if you compare yourself to others. It is a struggle that most, if not all of us, face. In fact, there is a whole theory about our tendency to compare ourselves to others called Social Comparison Theory. It simply states that we are naturally wired to compare ourselves to people that we view as better or less than ourselves in order to manage our self-esteem. This theory was founded in 1954 long before social media came around, but now the question is, how do we stop comparing ourselves? How do we overcome comparison?
How do we see other people’s successes and celebrate with them?
How do we see what social media shows us and realize that in so many ways it isn’t real to begin with?
How do we learn to be content with who we are and what we have?
The reality is we cannot simply use willpower to get ourselves out of comparing ourselves. We are going to have to find something better. Something that really doesn’t have anything to do with our accomplishments, abilities, or possessions, because these things are always fleeting. Our looks will fade. Our accomplishments will no longer be a big deal. We can lose our possessions. The one thing that will hold fast will be our identity in Christ.
Our Identity in Christ
As a counselor, I often see people struggling with comparison. The unfortunate thing is that it doesn’t simply stay at comparing. It becomes more sinister and tells you something is wrong with you. You are defective/broken/not good enough, etc. Although painful situations from the past are usually what starts these negative beliefs, the enemy uses comparison to validate these beliefs about yourself.
That is why willpower will not work. Neither will buying something new, getting a promotion, having cosmetic work done, etc. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe any of these things are bad. I just believe they don’t keep us from comparing ourselves and believing all the lies Satan uses.
What changes us is being able to see ourselves the way God sees us. The beauty of what Christ did means He took the wrath that we should have received. He took upon Himself the ugliness of our sin and shame, so that we didn’t have to. This allows us to be seen differently by God. He doesn’t see our brokenness and sin. He sees the blood of Christ.
Not only that, but we also get Christ’s righteousness. We get to experience the joy of being called God’s child. The really crazy thing about all of this is that none of the benefits I am talking about has anything to do with you or me. We didn’t work for it, and we couldn’t deserve it. We only have access to it because of what someone else did.
Shifting Our Thoughts And Living Free From Comparison
This is where our thought process begins to shift. Whenever we are talking about comparison, it is entirely self-focused. It is about what someone else has that you want in order to be like them or better than them, if we are being honest. When it comes to our identity, we didn’t and couldn’t do anything to receive our in Christ identity.
My guess is, if you are a believing Christian, you know everything I have already stated. The struggle is how to allow God's grace and the righteousness we receive from Christ overcome comparison in my life. How do I push back against the struggle with comparison in an age where we are surrounded by it? I don't believe we will ever completely eradicate comparison out of our lives. I do believe we can learn to effectively deal with comparison, so that it no longer drives or defines us. Here are some tips you might find helpful in your struggle to overcome comparison:
1) Limit and assess your social media usage.
I know, I know this one is pretty obvious, but it doesn’t make it any less valuable of a possibility for managing comparison. There are several options for dealing with this. You could simply take a break for a set amount of time, set a daily time limit for how long you will be on social media, or simply deactivate and step away from it altogether.
It is also important to determine the heart behind your social media usage. Is it simply to stay connected with others, stay up to date on events in your area, or could it be that it validates and attempts to fill a void in your life. Search your heart and allow God to show you what is driving you, so that social media can have its proper place in your life.
2) Focus on your gifts and blessings
We have all been created with certain gifts and talents unique to us as individuals. When we are in a storm of comparison, we completely forget about these things. All we can see is what somebody else has that makes them more valuable than us. In these moments, it is important to remind yourself of the gifts and blessings God has bestowed on you. We can’t wish for what someone else has whenever we really don’t know what is going on behind the curtain. This is not meant to make you feel superior to anyone else simply grateful for who you are and what you have.
3) Challenge the lies you are believing
We all have a choice when we find ourselves initially triggered by the pain of comparison. Am I going to stay with this thought process and allow Satan to fill my head with all of the insecurities and lies I have believed or am I going to believe in the truth of God’s Word. This is where the truth of the Gospel comes in and is able to challenge every negative belief you are feeling. It is in knowing you are a child of God who has been forgiven and redeemed that Satan’s lies and the struggle with comparison can no longer hold weight. The truth and power of God’s word is one of the most effective tools to overcome comparison.
Use the Scripture verses below to challenge the enemies lies and help you overcome comparison.
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
1 Peter 2:9
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.
1 Peter 3:1-2
Remember whose you are sister, in doing that you take away comparison’s power. I hope you found this information helpful and relatable!
In Christ,
Taylor Draughn, LPC, LMFT
Taylor Draughn is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Marriage and Family Therapist in Louisiana. She has been licensed since 2015 with four years of experience of providing therapy online and in-person. She loves working with women that are facing anxiety, depression, trauma-related issues, and struggles in their faith. When she is not working, she is hanging out with her husband of 14 years and her two young children.
