Three Main Parenting Mistakes Moms Make By Parenting Out Of Fear
You Will Make Parenting Mistakes
It would be great if the above statement were true for “bad parents” and not us “good parents,” but in reality, it is true for all parents. Today I’m discussing what may be our number one issue as Christian moms, parenting out of fear.
This parenting mistake happens whether our children are young or old. We never stop being parents, and we never stop loving our children and wanting them to experience the best life offers. Nevertheless, there is a lot to fear for our children in this world.
For whatever is born of God overcomes the world.
And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith.
1 John 5:4
Let’s look at 1 John 5:4 as related to our parenting. Think about that last sentence like this, “And this is the victory for my children (young or old) that has overcome the world – my faith as their mom.”
Remember that faith and fear oppose one another. They are polar opposites in the spectrum of what we believe. Fear shows up in our parenting and faith does as well. Unhealthy fear produces unhealthy parenting which produces unhealthy fruit in our children. Healthy genuine faith produces healthy parenting that produces healthy fruit in our children.
3 Ways We Parent Out of Fear
1.Parenting Afraid We Will Mess Up Our Children
One way fear rules us is that we parent fearful we will make mistakes that will mess up our children in some way. I want to say this with all the love and compassion that I can - You will. You will make parenting mistakes, and you will make mistakes that mess your children up in some way, to some degree. Parenting mistakes are simply unavoidable because we are imperfect people. Therefore, we parent imperfectly.
Throughout twenty years in ministry, I talked to many moms of adult children. Every one of them, when asked about parenting mistakes they made, say they made mountains out of molehills. They might differ in what the mountains and molehills were, but every mom of adult children, looks back and sees mistakes they made. And you will too.
BUT GOD!
Don’t you love those two words!
You and I have victorious faith and our faith is in God who is trustworthy, faithful, and the Redeemer. Not only does He redeem us as people, but He also wants to redeem our parenting mistakes if we trust Him. If God is our center, we can trust Him to redeem our mistakes, our children, and their lives.
Two weeks ago, I wrote about our top parenting priority of loving God in my blog post, Our Top Two Parenting Priorities According To Deuteronomy 6:4-9.
Our best parenting comes from our daily active, growing relationship with Jesus where we are being transformed and healed in your own heart and life. Because no matter what, we all parent with some form of baggage or bondage whether based on our own mistakes in life or even imperfect ways we were parented. The reality for all parents is that we aren’t perfect people or parents, and we were parented by imperfect people as well.
One of the gifts understanding how imperfectly we parent gives us is the ability to give grace to our parents for mistakes they made in parenting us.
2. Parenting Afraid Our Children Will Follow In Our Footsteps.
We fear our children making the same mistakes we made in life and we desperately want to keep them from that. This was 100% me. I did not want any of my three daughters to experience all I experienced. Because fear ruled my parenting in this area, I fell more into an authoritarian parenting style. I wanted to make my daughters walk with Jesus because I knew if they walked with Jesus, they would be safe from repeating my past life mistakes.
Now don’t hear me say that we shouldn’t be the authority figure in our children’s lives and make decisions for them while they live under our roof, because we should. We want to declare, As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15b.) And we want to live it and set the standard for a practicing, faith-filled home for our family. A very different dynamic than trying to make someone walk with Jesus.
We cannot make anyone walk with Jesus. In fact, it’s not even how God wanted it. if anyone could have made us walk with Him, it was God. But He didn’t want robots. He wanted us to choose for ourselves. And yes, He wants our children to choose Him. But we can’t force our children to love God. We can only show them how much we love and trust Him and what that looks like.
Trying to make someone follow Jesus ends up looking more like trying to make them live by rules and regulations. Living life based on rules and regulations radically misses the message and heart of Christ. Walking with Jesus, following Jesus, portrays what we really want for our children. Relationship with Jesus. We want them to know Him because knowing Him is eternal life.
And this is eternal life, that they may know You,
the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.
John 17:3
Live out your faith in front of your children and let it permeate everything you do. Enjoy walking with Jesus yourself, and your faith will be attractive to your children.
3. Parenting Afraid Of Everything Bad And Evil In This World.
There are so many ways our children can be hurt in this world. So much evil running rampant, and if we focus on that, peace escapes us, our family, and our home. As a young mom, I feared almost everything. I feared my daughters being kidnapped, assaulted, in a car wreck, stricken with a deadly disease, and the list goes on.
When my oldest two daughters were 6 and 3, my brother’s ex-wife and his daughter were in a house fire. My brother’s daughter got out, but her mom did not. This caused me such extreme fear I lived consumed with losing my children in a house fire. We started fire drills at my house on a regular basis. I taught my children exactly what to do if our house ever caught on fire. I definitely don’t think that is all bad, but the degree of fear that I lived with was the problem.
I had not learned how to really trust God with my children and with their protection. Ironically, a few years later, God brought me to a place of fully trusting Him with my children and He taught me of His trustworthiness through my love and care for my children. My relationship with Jesus, my knowledge of God’s word, and my faith grew to a place that I understood the love and faithfulness of God.
Now I understand that even with the presence of evil in this world,
You are of God, little children, and have overcome them,
because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
1 John 4:4
Dear Christian mom,
Jesus redeems any and all our mistakes if we trust Him to do so. Ultimately, our view and understanding of Jesus will impact our parenting. Parenting from a personal, thriving relationship with Jesus helps us present a healthier true picture of Jesus. It also points our children to the person of Jesus rather than rules or a religion. And finally, if you realize parenting mistakes you made, take them to Jesus. Ask Him to redeem them, and use them for you and your children’s spiritual well-being, and His glory. Our God is faithful!
Years ago a precious lady gave me the book, The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children by Stormie Omartian. It has been such a blessing to have as a prayer resource for my three adult daughters.
